Uniquely His

Do you ever wish that you could literally walk with God for a moment in time on earth? Looking up at the stars and moon tonight I wish Jesus and I could take a long walk together on the beach and talk. I know He would probably tell me everything He is saying to me now, but being able to audibly hear His voice and see His facial reactions would be comforting. Recently, I had an experience that may be the closest I have to that on earth. I was listening to praise music as I walked on the beach. I wanted to know that God knew who I was and that I mattered to Him. That everything I have been feeling lately doesn't escape Him. I looked down and saw the name "Sarah" spelled in cursive in the sand. I was not expecting that at all, and it just made me smile and laugh. God knows my name and knows me. He knows all of us. God loves each of us uniquely. He loves us because we are uniquely His.

Sometimes I forget that God marked out time to create me. His hands made me and knew me before my parents ever held me. I believe that He talks to each of us in our mothers' wombs. He spoke to us before our ears were fully formed. He knew who we would be. I find that amazing, baffling, and life-altering. We are loved beyond our ability to comprehend. It doesn't matter who we are to others. It doesn't matter if the world loves or hates us, whether we are well-known or forgotten. He doesn't define us by other people's terms. His Love is what defines us.

Even though I would love to physically walk with Jesus, I know that He is never far from me. He is only a prayer away. He is waiting to hear from His beloveds.

Feed My Sheep

For a few months I have had this statement running through my mind, " Do you love me? Feed my sheep." It sometimes greets me when I first wake up, other times it comes to me in the middle of a conversation. It has made me think more and more about what "feeding sheep" looks like.

This week took a lot out of me. By the time today rolled around I was wiped. This afternoon I was sitting across from a person, and I didn't care what she said. All I cared  about was that she said her piece so I could run my agenda. It made me feel literally sick to my stomach. I had to turn myself back on, and actually listen to her. I heard a teaching on Sunday about how sometimes we walk around and act like we have "Do Not Disturb" signs on our necks. I started off the day praising God, but I let circumstances of the day stop me from staying in praise mode. I decided to close others out and stop caring. That's NOT okay. God doesn't just call His children to look after one another when we are feeling awesome and on point. A lot of times blessing others is how we escape our bad moods. It is incredibly freeing to know this world does not revolve around us and our crazy, unpredictable emotions.

The way we show our love for Jesus is by loving others. The Bible says it is impossible to love God and hate one of His children. One of my joys is loving on others, but this week I learned that I have been using my own supply of love rather than relying on God. I am burnt out and depressed because I am not looking to Jesus to replace my love supply. The best way to fall back on God for me is to praise Him and sing songs that remind me of His infinite nature and steadfast love. One of my friends says that when you are in praise mode it is hard for the Enemy to come in and hit you. When my focus is on Christ I don't lose heart, when I lose sight of Him I begin to sink.

Feeding His sheep requires more than serving others out of a sense of duty or obligation. It is how we show God we love Him and that we trust Him to replenish us.

First Post in A While

I haven't kept a blog since I lived in London. Recently I gave up going on Facebook, so I need to replace one habit with another.

My name is Sarah, and I am a 20-something trying to stop figuring everything out. Lately God has been calling me to be more patient (...yea....) and to trust Him more. Patience is not one of my favorite virtues to work out. It reminds me a lot of the gym. When someone goes to work out at the gym he/she usually likes to work out their favorite feature. I like to run on the treadmill, but I hate weight training (It has nothing to do with the fact that I have no upper-arm strength). Developing patience is like picking up a heavier weight for me. The whole time I am thinking "Why is this needed?" however I usually like the feeling of pride I have when I can open up the bottle of water all by myself (if only I was kidding...).

I want what I want when I want it. In the past if I didn't see God moving in an area of my life that I wanted Him to move in I would just try to make it happen myself. I actually believed that He would be so proud of me and give me an "A" for effort. You know cause I was being self-reliant. The sad thing is when I have chosen my timing over His timing my race has been hindered from progressing.

I know it makes God happier when I love Him and trust His timing rather than try to do things on my own. Also, doing things on my own apart from Him makes no sense. The opening stanza of Psalm 127 says "Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain." If God isn't in it, then it is not worth it to make it happen because nothing will come of it. I don't want to do anything apart from God. With God there is success even in what others label a failure. God doesn't have us wait for the sake of waiting. He has us where we are for a reason. Pastor and author Mark Batterson wrote, "God wants you to get where God wants you to go more than you want to get where God wants you to go." He will complete the good work in us that He has begun. God doesn't give up on us and He asks us to be patient so He can work out the details of the epic and legendary journey He has planned for those who love Him.

So I will keep doing my reps until my patience muscles are sculpted :)